so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
