I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
