Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
