I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
