What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
