There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
