am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
