Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He passed out mid-signature
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
