Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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