found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
