i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
