i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
