Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
