I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
