I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
