Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
