his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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