The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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