I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
