HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
