I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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