the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize