worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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