Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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