he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
