There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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