Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
