Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
