think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
