He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
