Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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