Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
