do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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