i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
