then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
