What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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