Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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