Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize