it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
