It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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