Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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