if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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