I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
