Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
