All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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