Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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