Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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