Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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