I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize