I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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