i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
a search helicopter?!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
