david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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