OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize