I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
