Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
