You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Drunk is not a location!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
