DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
