Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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