Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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