I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
