I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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