and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
