Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i believe in u and ur pee
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
