I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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