dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
