The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
