He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
