It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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