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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
