Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
