Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
