Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize