Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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