I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
