Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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