i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You were trust falling into bushes
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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