YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i believe in u and ur pee
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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